


Prompt 19 (Caligo/MC/Reiner)

by Yoselin



Series: L&L Tumblr Prompts [23]
Category: Love & Legends (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 06:12:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15600057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoselin/pseuds/Yoselin
Summary: Originally posted to Tumblr.“It would have been better if we had never met.”“You’re my regret.”





	Prompt 19 (Caligo/MC/Reiner)

The candlelight flickers low on the map of the domains. I focus on the shifting shadows of the light rather than the strategic plot points depicted. While it is imperative that the lady of the human domain pay attention, my mind is millions of miles elsewhere.  
I came close last night. Too close. I nearly gave into temptation and ruined everything that was pure and good in my life.  
My teeth sink into my lower lip with anxiety.  
I promised myself ages ago that I would not give in, yet I nearly broke it. Out of all the promises I can afford to break, that is not one of them.  
The candle is moved on the table and wax spills on the parchment. Reiner rubs at the blotches with his finger absentmindedly and points to another stronghold on the map. His voice is low as he comments on a possible attack we can stage. He glances at me for approval, and I give him an encouraging look although I have no idea what I have just agreed to.  
The War Council meeting for retaking the human domain has dragged on for hours now, and I have given up on ever paying attention. My mind has been too occupied to think about weapons and troop movements. I cannot get my thoughts off of _him_.  
Him. Caligo. The fairy leader of the Resistance leaning against a table with one hand propped underneath his chin and the other absentmindedly flicking a pocket knife open and closed. His body is angled for Reiner, feigning false attention to the discussion between him and King Barzilai, yet his gaze is on me.  
Our eyes meet for a brief moment. His eyes are alight with affection and hurtful longing, jaw locked in utter pain, and he nearly whispers my name. Thankfully, he clamps his mouth shut at the last moment, and I find the courage to tear our eyes away.  
I lock my jaw and return my gaze to the dying candle. The light is low now and Solaire excuses herself to find another one. I hardly notice when she brushes past me, places her hand on my back, and sends me a warning look.  
_’Be careful’_ , her eyes seem to say. She sends Caligo a piercing look, his own silent warning, and brushes past me.  
Be careful.  
I close my eyes and tighten my fist underneath the table. I do have to be careful.  
Yesterday I came too close to making a mistake and hurting the true love of my life. Yesterday I had been spending the time with the other domain leaders when Caligo had grown too close. He had sat next to me and talked while the other leaders had been immersed in strategy. What had started as a normal, friendly conversation had devolved into something dangerous. The looks he had been giving me, the searching and obviously enamored glances, had made my breath hitch. I had completely lost myself in the spark I got by looking in his eyes, the scent of him so close to me, and the way his skin felt electric when he had accidentally brushed his hand past mine.  
For a fleeting and very dangerous moment, I had almost given in then. I had almost admitted to myself that there was something there, something terrifying and thrilling, but had thankfully snapped out of it when Reiner had arrived. Seeing my husband, and true love’s face, had been sobering and I had torn myself from Caligo’s presence.  
The desire to both be away and near is consuming me. It invades my thoughts constantly and makes it hard to concentrate.  
I risk another glance at Caligo. This time, he isn’t looking in my direction. His attention is on the map and he’s pointing out another possible battle ground. He walks around the table to settle next to me and leans over me to tap at a mountain point.  
His skin brushes past mine and I catch his scent. He smells of pine and musk. It’s a thrilling high to be close to him-  
And one I won’t give into. I subtly move away from him, pretend to readjust my seat, and lean my head back as far from him as possible.  
Caligo doesn’t glance back at me, but I can see his fingers twitch just a little as he traces circles on the map.  
I tune out his voice and look away from him. My eyes find Reiner. He sits across the other side of the table, wedged between King Barzilai and August, and watches Caligo with frustration.  
Ever since they met, the two have been at odds with each other. Reiner feels threatened by Caligo’s presence, he finds himself at a loss with his own leadership skills and feels like he’s back in the shadow of his brother, and he doesn’t try to hide his distaste. If only he knew it was not just the leadership threat that Caligo posed...  
I clamp down on my lip harder this time. My fingers curl on the edges of my pants and I dig my nails into the fabric.  
I had never meant for this to happen. I loved- _love_ Reiner and would never want to betray his trust, yet I can’t deny the attraction with Caligo. I had met Caligo in the midst of some relationship problems and his charming allure had drawn me in. Despite my best attempts, I had found myself falling for the fairy at my side.  
The attraction between us was like a lighting strike. It had come amidst a powerful storm and it threatened to burn everything around us. It had to be contained before it could destroy us.  
Caligo moves away from me and folds his hands behind his back. His mouth is downturned in a frown and Reiner shakes his head. An argument is brewing between them over strategy. The atmosphere in the room grows suddenly tense.  
I cross my arms in front of myself and pretend to be ignorant of their conflict. My mind is too tired to pick a side, and I am sure I would pick the wrong one either way if I were to try. Thus, I busy myself counting the mountain ranges on the map.  
Being close to Caligo is dangerous. Everything about him draws me in and his presence is almost enough to make me shed my convictions. By the day, it is growing harder and harder to fight it off.  
I almost gave in, in the midst of battle. When an arrow had almost pierced Caligo’s skull, I had left Reiner’s side to assist him. I had managed to reign in my emotions at the last second and disguise my panic as concern over an ally, but I had not been able to kid myself then. The way my heart had pounded in my chest at the utter fear of something happening to him had opened my eyes to the reality that there was more than just friendship between us.  
I had also almost given in during a celebration again. Following the defeat of some Witch Queen troops, an impromptu party had been held. Between the lively music and the dwarven ale on my tongue, I had relented to dancing with Caligo. My skin had felt electric where he touched it, his movements had set me ablaze with desire, and the feel of him so close to me had filled me with a burning lust I had feared. Mid-song, aware of some quizzical stares from Solaire, I had torn myself from Caligo and pretended to be tired. And, judging by the look on his face when I had left, it was a good thing I had too because there had been a fire that burned in his eyes that had warned against me staying for longer. It proved that whatever connection I felt between us, he felt it too.  
After that event, things had grown tenser. Caligo was determined on pushing the limits of honor as far as he could. He did not want to lead me astray, had sworn to Reiner he had no untoward intentions even, but he had seemingly agreed to see how close he could get to me without being _too_ close. While I was intent on fighting the attraction, he was content with giving in to the more harmless bits of it.  
He tended to stay after meetings to speak with me, made excuses to report to me and not Reiner when he had news, picked the chair closest to me during dinner when he could get away with it, and payed diligent attention to where I was during battle. All of his actions were friendly in nature, could be feigned as platonic, yet I could tell they were more.  
Solaire returns with a candle just as the light in the room grows too dim to continue. She wedges between me and Caligo, sending him a subtle glare, and sets the new one on the table. The distraction dissolves whatever argument Reiner and Caligo had been about to ignite.  
I fight back my sigh. They’ve been fighting over everything lately. Reiner fights because a part of him feels inferior to Caligo, and Caligo fights because a part of him feels resentment over me-  
Or, more specifically, the wedding band on my finger.  
A tap on the map draws my attention back to the meeting. King Barzilai stands from his seat suddenly appearing tired. His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose and he murmurs something about the meeting ending.  
I spring up from my seat with everyone else relieved to not have to be in Caligo’s presence any longer. While Solaire acts like a barrier between us, I can still feel his burning gaze on me. I shiver to myself although I can’t tell whether I am upset or joyed.  
Reiner takes my side as the meeting closes. He tucks the rolled up map under his arm and offers me a tired smile.  
“Want to get some dinner?” He nods at another table where some of the councilors are now sitting for dinner. Arguing about plans has worked up an appetite.  
I shake my head no. Although I am hungry, I want nothing more than a bath. Perhaps the water will be able to scrub away the terrible thoughts that have been consuming me lately.  
Reiner inclines his head, presses a kiss to my forehead, and murmurs a goodnight. He spins on his heels to sit next to Solaire at the dining table.  
I turn away and walk towards my room.  
I make it around the corner and am almost at the staircase when Caligo slides up to me. He offers me a smile, one that brings me warmth, and tucks his hands behind his back.  
“Retiring soon, my lady?” He bows his head thoughtfully and slightly edges closer. His arms brush mine as we walk.  
I shove aside the sparks of attraction between us. Worry fills me and I have a sudden need to run back to Reiner. The wedding ring against my finger feels scorching.  
“I am,” I make my voice brusque. I want to sound rude and impolite. I want him to walk away now before thoughts of resisting become droned out by thoughts of giving in.  
Caligo seems impervious to my inner turmoil. Instead, his smile grows fonder. There’s light in his gaze now, affection warming his lavender eyes, and I feel another prickle of pleasure and pain.  
“I think I will be up longer. The stars are nice tonight. Would you like to see them?” He nods at a nearby window. The stars wink at me as if inviting me in.  
I grimace.  
The invitation is platonic, no one would think it odd for two friends to stargaze together, but the look he is giving me is anything but. The fondness and desire that simmer under his gaze is unmistakable. I can see the hints of him that he tries to hide from everyone else. I can tell he also feels the affection between us.  
There is color on his cheeks, his eyes search me as if pleading with me to say yes, and he subtly tries to get closer to me.  
I tear my gaze away from his feeling nausea. My thumb twirls my wedding ring around and I let that be a sobering reminder of where my loyalties must lie.  
“No thank you,” I murmur. The words are almost painful to get out.  
Caligo’s smile dims a bit but he relents. The one good thing about whatever this forbidden dance between us is, is that he honors my wishes. Although there is something strong and almost palpable between us, he does not pursue me relentlessly. He is willing to honor the wedding vow I made for as long as I am willing to honor it.  
And I fear that won’t be forever.  
My eyes suddenly sting with frustration and a dull ache resounds within me. How terrible it is to be tempted by something you can’t have. I no longer blame Eve for taking the Apple.  
I make it to the edge of the stairs and stop. Caligo halts next to me realizing this is as far as he can go. His own room is at the ground level and there is no reason for him to accompany me up.  
I pause and take in his features. He’s handsome, no doubt about it, radiates charm with every beautiful smile he sends my way, and the longing I see in his eyes mirrors my own. I trace every bit of him mentally and try to ignore the way being centimeters away from him makes my heart race.  
_In another life, Caligo Hawkeye, I could have chosen you._  
Pain fills me at the thought. An overwhelming feeling of heartache envelops me and I have to look away. My throat suddenly feels to tight to breathe.  
Caligo’s lips part and his own voice is tortured. He tries to downplay his heartache, but I can see the way his shoulders tense. Perhaps a part of him was hopeful I would accept his invitation.  
“Goodnight,” he whispers. He sounds like he wants to say more, but he spins on his heels and leaves anyway.  
I watch him retreat feeling ill. A desire to call him back registers on my mind and I bite my tongue painfully. The wedding ring on my finger suddenly stops feeling like a blessing and more like a chain weighing me down.  
Frustration wells up within me at the realization that I was close to giving in again. Like a drug addict, I’ve almost lost my resolve for the millionth time.  
I squeeze my fists and turn away full of anger and self loathing.  
It would be better if I were stronger. It would be better if I were a more loyal wife wife. It would be better if I could resist whatever feelings there are between us-  
**”It would have been better if we had never met.”**  
The whisper spills from my lips before I can stop it. I freeze and almost clamp a hand to my mouth. To admit that out loud is to admit to so much more.  
Caligo halts steps away from me. I see the shudder of pain that goes through him. It seems he has heard me.  
I wilt inwardly and blink back tears. I never meant to say it out loud. I never meant to hurt him. Still, the damage is done. If only one could turn the clock and swallow down words.  
Caligo places a hand on the wall and bows his head without glancing back at me. I can almost hear the exact moment his heart shatters. It is almost an echo of my own as it squeezes inside my chest.  
“I do not regret meeting you,” he whispers. His fingers dig into the wallpaper before him and another pained shudder passes through him. My words have hit somewhere deep. “ **But you are my regret**.”  
With that final, heartbroken confession, he recovers. A mask falls across him, the same platonic mask he dons around me, and he bids me goodnight. Whatever event has transpired between us is buried along with the loads of emotions we both have.  
I watch until he rounds the corner and disappears from view. My blood feels very cold and my heart is still racing in my chest.  
Resisting him is growing harder and harder by the day and I am not sure I can take it anymore. My heart can only take so much heartbreak before it turns to dust, and I am almost at my breaking point.  
Twirling my wedding ring around my finger, I clench my jaw and take the path leading up to my room and away from Caligo.  
I may be his regret, but he is my mistake. To have these feelings is wrong, and to act on them is a fatal error-  
Yet I wonder how much longer I can fight it.


End file.
